Miyuki Interviews!
by Miyuki Inakamono
Summary: Wah-dumdum... The world really is coming to an end!! Someone--who knows who--decided to give ME a TV show! So now I go around interviewing anime characters--and the things they own!
1. Show One

Interview With A...Well, Let's Just Say It's NOT A Vampire  
By Miyuki Inakamono  
  
Author's Notes: If you liked "The Fishing Pole," you'll love this one! And if you haven't read it, read it!  
  
Miyuki: LOOKIE AT ME!! LOOKIT! I get to interview an inanimate object!!! *claps* Alwight! Everybody, let's welcome.... KASA!!!  
Kasa: *walks..er...floats out onto the stage* Greetings!  
Miyuki: Greetings, Kasa! Sit down, sit down.  
Kasa: *floats over a chair* Feels good to be here!  
Miyuki: So, Kasa. How's life treating you?  
Kasa: Well, you know, it feels good to be Chichiri's kasa. Lotsa use you know. That, and I know all about the secret life of Chichiri. But first, I have to say one thing.  
Miyuki: What's that?  
Kasa: That fishing pole is messed up.  
Miyuki: Really?  
Kasa: Really. Now, let me tell you about Chichiri.  
Miyuki: Oh, but we know all about Chichiri-  
Kasa: *inturrupting* Then how does he keep his hair like that?  
Miyuki: *thinks(GASP)* Hm... That's a good question!  
Kasa: Well, me being on Chichiri's head, I know a lot about this. It's like this: The hair is a wig. A rubber one at that.  
Miyuki: *GASP* Naw!  
Kasa: *bobs up and down* Yes, it's true. There was an accident...with Tasuki's fan... See, they had been friends long before the taping of Fushigi Yuugi. Well... Tasuki got mad, as usual... And Chichiri lost all of his hair. It used to be short and brown, really. But, see, his hair would never grow back... So he decided to try a new look. I mean, does that hair really go with his brown eyes? Of course not! So, that explains that.  
Miyuki: You woulda never guessed that was the true story... I always thought he was just like Trowa and used a lot of hair gel...  
Kasa: No, Trowa's genuine. He's a good fellow, really. I was blessed with the honor of being his kasa for a while. Backstage. That boy kept some pretty weird stuff though...  
Miyuki: So you were used when Chichiri got you?  
Kasa: I was used when Trowa got me! Chick, I've been around the block many times. I belonged to Ashitaka for a little while, but was lost in Iron Town. Some girl who was, like, Masami's aunt twice removed gave me to her and I stayed in her room for a while until Gawl threw me out. Then I was picked up by Kamui, who donated it to his friend Fuma's shrine. But when it was raided, I was tossed into a dump, picked up by a seagull, and carried all the way to America where Mai and Rally picked me up. Put me for sale in their shop, and the next thing I knew, I was Trowa's.   
Miyuki: So, how did you get to Chichiri?  
Kasa: Well, Trowa eventually gave me to his friend Quatre. Quatre's good friends with Chiriko, and gave it to him as a gift. He already had a kasa. Well, Chiriko didn't really want it, so he just gave it   
to Chichiri.  
Miyuki: Wow...  
Kasa: You're telling me.  
Miyuki: Got any other good stories?   
Kasa: Well, none that I care to share.  
Miyuki: *looks disapointed* Oh...  
Kasa: Don't be depressed. Hey, wanna go throw stuff in me?  
Miyuki: *perma-grin* YAY!! *grabs Kasa and runs offstage*  
  
...WAI. 


	2. Show Two

Interview with a...Vampire! (Joy!)  
by Miyuki Inakamono  
  
Miyuki-Hey! Guess what? I'm gonna interview a vampire!!  
  
!*!POOF!*!  
  
Tasuki-*appearing out of nowhere* GRR!! I'm not a vampire gosh darnit!  
Miyuki-Aw, don't kid us Tasuki! *pats him on the head*  
Tasuki-*jerks away* Back off, demon lady!  
Miyuki-I'm not a demon--but you are a vampire.  
Tasuki-Chick, you're about to meet the same fate as Chichiri if you don't shut-up.  
Miyuki-Aww, you wouldn't do it!! You're just a cute lil vampire!  
Tasuki-Girl, you are messed up.  
Miyuki-At least I'm not a vampire.  
Tasuki-I'm not a vampire!  
Miyuki-You have fangs.  
Tasuki-But I'm not a vampire!  
Miyuki-Then you're a freak.  
Tasuki-I'm not a freak!  
Miyuki-Then you're a vampire.  
Tasuki-OKAY! THAT'S IT! *gets out his metal fan* REKKEN SHINEN!!!  
  
  
*The screen is blank, but you hear Miyuki's voice faintly in the distance...*  
  
You just...wait 'till...I tell...my boyfriend...  
  
DUM DUM DUM!!!  
...To be continued...  



	3. Show Three

Death of a Vampire (GGR!) I mean Tasuki!!  
by Miyuki Inakamono  
  
*The setting is a room--a man with spikey blonde hair is sitting on the couch watching TV*  
Cloud-*yawns* Hm... Wonder what Miyuki-chan is up to... *reaches for the phone; presses a speed-dail button; waits. Waits. Waits...* That's strange... *hangs up the phone* She woulda told me if she was going somewhere. I hope she's okay. *the phone rings* Hey! I bet that's her! *reaches for the phone* Miyuki-chan?  
Miyuki-*cough, cough* Help...  
Cloud-Miyuki! *concerned* Where are you? Are you okay??  
Miyuki-I'm in the burn center of the hospital, Kumu-kun... And I'm...bald! *bursts out crying*  
Cloud-I'm coming over there right now! I love you, wait for me!   
  
  
Cloud-*bursts into the hospital room* Miyuki-chan!  
Miyuki-*wrapped up* Konnichi wa...  
Cloud-*drops to his knees by her bed* Who did this to you?!  
Miyuki-Tasuki the Vampire.  
Cloud-*fire in his eyes* GRRR!!! *pulls out Really Really Really Big Sword(tm)* DIE, EVIL VAMPIRE!!  
  
  
Tasuki-*on the phone in big hotel suit*So the chick was all "You're a vampire!" and I was all "No I'm not!" so I got mad. *someone (oh I wonder...) knocks on the door* Hold on, Chichiri. Someone's at the door... *puts the phone down and opens the door*  
Service Guy-Room service!! *Had ya fooled, ne?*  
Tasuki-Oh, thanks. *Service Guy pushs cart into the room; holds out his hand; Tasuki gives him a tip* Let's see... *before he opens it, the lid flies off*   
Cloud-Thank God for Chibi!!! *puts sword to Tasuki's thoat*  
Tasuki-Whoa, whoa! Who are you?? What do you want?? I got money...  
Cloud-You hurt my Miyuki-chan! NOW DIE!!!  
  
  
Chichiri-*holds phone away from ear* What is going on over there no da?!  
  
  
Cloud-...So you can rest in peace!  
Miyuki-I guess he wasn't a vampire after all...  
Cloud-Why do you say that?  
Miyuki-Because you can only kill a vampire with a stake in his heart, so, you know...  
Cloud-Ah... Sure....  
  
  
*In a hole in the ground, Tasuki lays, stake in heart...*  
  
Miyuki's Interviews Will Return Once She Recovers  
Till next time... 


	4. Show Four

Interview With a Vampire....HAND!  
By Miyuki Inakmono  
  
Miyuki: Oh, boy! Now that I'm all better, I get to have more fun! Since I interviewed on vampire already, I decided it was lotsa fun, so I was going to interview another! However, D was already booked with Jay Leno, so I get to interview Left Hand, D's demonic...left hand... Yay!  
Left Hand: *walks on two fingers out onto the stage; "sits" in a chair* Hello, Miyuki.  
Miyuki: Hello!! So, how do you like being attached to D?  
Left Hand: It is very enjoyable, if I do say so myself.  
Miyuki: Wow! Does D have a favorite food?  
Left Hand: Well, D is particularly fond of blood pills, but I-  
Miyuki: *interrupts* Don't you think D is a pretty boy?  
Left Hand: Well, I don't think I have much of an opinion on this, but-  
Miyuki: *interrupts again* Does D have a girlfriend?  
Left Hand: Not that I'm aware of-  
Miyuki: *yet again, interrupts* What is your favorite thing D does?  
Left Hand: What about-  
Miyuki: Does D drink blood?  
Left Hand: *getting angry* I thought that-  
Miyuki: Can D eat chocolate?  
Left Hand: *fuming* But-  
Miyuki: Is he lact toast and tolerant?  
Left Hand: *yelling* DEMON LADY! MY INTERVIEW!! *eats Miyuki; belches loudly* Well then. I better leave now, before her boyfriend comes... Dear Chichiri told me of what happened to Tasuki... That is what I call vampire hunting. *runs off the stage on his two fingers*  
  
Due to circumstances beyond our control, Miyuki shall  
not be returning to Miyuki Interviews! and will be  
replaced, although we have yet to find a replacement. 


	5. Show Five

Miyuki's Return  
by Miyuki Inakamono  
  
*The stage is black, all the lights off, suddenly they flick on, revealing a stage with black furniture, black curtains... To be frank, it's very gothic. A girl walks out*  
  
Miyuki: ... I have just had the strangest experience of my entire life. I have just been eaten and barfed up by a hand. A hand. A FREAKING HAND!!!!!! ... But let us put the past behind us!! Today, we are blessed to have a THEME, and a buncha guests!!! Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for the lady who will preform our opening theme--SHINOHARA TOMOE!!!! YAAAAY!!! *Shinohara Tomoe comes out, and sings the wondermus song "Alligator" as the opening to Miyuki Interviews! at Miyuki's request. Afterwards, she screams and runs off the stage.* YAY! Shinohara-sama!! She's great, ne? And so kawaii sugoi, na no da!! As I said, we have more than one guest today to celebrate my return! My first guest tonight will be Prince Ferio of Cephiro!!! *APPLAUSE* Then, we get a wonderful invigorating-whatever THAT means-interview with Fujin! COOL. *giggles, APPLAUSE* Okay, today, check out the stage. Spiffy, hu? Well, this is at the request of our last guest, who also says he has a really big surprise for us... AND I KNOW WHAT IT IS!! Do you wanna know? Okay, I'll tell you! The surprise is that we don't know who he is!! YAY!!!!! *APPLAUSE* Okay, everyone, give a big hand for our first guest, FERIO!!!!  
Ferio: *walks out, looking hot as usual* Hey, Miyuki. How's it going?  
Miyuki: *all stary eyed* Wow... Ah, heh, I'm fine! Okay, heh, first question for the bishonen!  
Ferio: Hey, thanks.  
Miyuki: You're welcome... *in a daze, suddenly shakes her head out of it* Ah, okay! First question, what do you love?  
Ferio: Hm... Lemme think... Deffinatly sleep. Love sleep. *under his breath* And Fuu, but that's another story...  
Miyuki: SUGOI! Sleep is a great thing. Next, what do you hate?  
Ferio: Hu, another hard one... Well, Miyuki, can I call you Yuki-chan?  
Miyuki: *in a daze again* Suuuure....  
Ferio: Okay, well, Yuki-chan, I guess I have to say I hate not sleeping. That's just not Fuu. I mean, heh, fun. Yeah, fun. I like that too, fun, yeah. Fun is a good thing.  
Miyuki: Yes, I would hafta agree. *bats her eyes at Ferio* Ah, so, Ferio, what do you LOVE to do?  
Ferio: *grins sideways* Well, Yuki-chan, I really love to take Fuu in my arms and kiss her and- *turns red* Ah... ANYWAY! I love to sleep. I just love sleeping.  
Miyuki: Yeah, I like sleeping too...  
Ferio: *still red* Well, ah, heh, Yuki-chan... I'll just call you Miyuki, I gotta run, time for my, uh, afternoon nap.. Yeah, heh... *runs offstage*  
Miyuki: Ja ne, Ferio.... *sighs* Weeell, anyway, we will go to commercial (the show is long enough now), and when we get back, it's my turn to interview Fujin!!  
  
*COMMERCIAL BREAK*  
BUY MY GREAT CAR!!!  
  
EAT AT MY RESTRAUNT!!!  
  
WATCH THIS SHOW NEXT TUESDAY!!!  
  
TAKE THIS MEDICINE TO MAKE WOMEN WANT YOU!!!  
  
BACK TO MIYUKI!!!!!!!!!! YAAAAY!!!!!  
*END COMMERCIAL BREAK*  
  
Miyuki: YAY! We're back, and I'm all ready for our next interview... Fujin! Ladies and gentlemen, FUJIN!!!! *APPLAUSE*  
Fujin: *walks out and sits in a chair* HELLO.  
Miyuki: Hello to you as well, Fujin! How are you tonight?  
Fujin: GOOD.  
Miyuki: Great!! Okay, first question, why do you stick with Seifer through so much of the game, then leave him?  
Fujin: CRAZY.  
Miyuki: Ooooh. Yeah, I know a few crazy people. Like this vampire guy.. Woo! He's nuts! So is this hand thingy... It's nuts too. Anyway, what is your favorite food?  
Fujin: CHOCOLATE.  
Miyuki: Ooh, I like chocolate too!! Why do you like it?  
Fujin: HYPER.  
Miyuki: It makes me hyper too!! *giggles* That's why Kumu-kun usually doesn't give me chocolate. He gives me KFC cos I like it.  
Fujin: KFC? LIKE.  
Miyuki: You too?! Isn't chicken great?  
Fujin: *shakes head* NOT CHICKEN. CHOCOBO. KENTUCKY FRIED CHOCOBO.  
Miyuki: *in shock* YOU EAT CHOCOBOS?! GO! NOW!!! YOU CANNOT STAY ON MY SHOW IF YOU EAT KAWAII LITTLE CHOCOBOS! THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU!!!!!  
Fujin: Well, FINE then! I'll just go hang with Seifer and Rajin! They're my posse! *walks offstage in a storm*  
Miyuki: BYE!! *turns happy again* After this commercial guest, our MYSTERY GUEST!! *APPLAUSE*  
  
*COMMERCIAL BREAK*  
DRINK MY DRINK!!!  
  
BUY THIS CD!!!  
  
WATCH THIS SHOW NEXT TUESDAY!!!  
  
BUY THIS COMPUTER!!!  
  
EAT THIS CANDY!!!  
  
BACK TO MIYUKI!!!  
*END COMMERCIAL BREAK*  
  
Miyuki: Wai wai, we're back!! Now, this next guest is an interesting fellow! Welcome our Mysterious Guest--Shirou Kamui!!!   
Kamui: *walks out, looks at the stage before sitting down* Nice job on the stage.  
Miyuki: Thank you!!  
Kamui: ...It was my destiny.  
Miyuki: SUGOI!! So, Kamui, do you like watching T.V.?  
Kamui: I don't do it often, why?  
Miyuki: Do you watch my show?  
Kamui: No.  
Miyuki: Why?  
Kamui: Because.  
Miyuki: STOP IT!!! We're starting to sound like that screwy Fujin chick!  
Kamui: Okay. I don't watch your show, no.  
Miyuki: Why doncha?  
Kamui: Because I have to save the world from destruction from my former best friend.  
Miyuki: How come?  
Kamui: It's my destiny.  
Miyuki: You're destiny?  
Kamui: ...Yes... My destiny was foreordained.  
Miyuki: That still doesn't mean you can't watch the best show in the HISTORY OF THE WORLD!!!! MWAH-HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!! *APPLAUSE*  
Kamui: Well, would you rather die?  
Miyuki: No...  
Kamui: Well then. I can't watch your show unless you want to die...  
Miyuki: Oh... Well, you're strange...  
Kamui: I get that often.  
Miyuki: Do you have a girlfriend?  
Kamui: She was murdered by her brother and my former best friend.  
Miyuki: Same guy who is trying to destroy the world and keep you from watching my WONDERFUL show?  
Kamui: Yes, same guy.  
Miyuki: Oh... So do you have a girlfriend?  
Kamui: No...  
Miyuki: I'm a girlfriend, so don't bother asking!!  
Kamui: ...Okay, then...  
Miyuki: Wanna go get pizza?  
Kamui: What about your--  
Miyuki: He works there. We can all eat pizza together!!  
Kamui: Okay. *Kamui and Miyuki get up and go to Cloud's Pizza Palor for the best pizza in the HISTORY OF THE WORLD!! MWAH-HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!!!!! Ahem. Sorry.*  
Camera Guy Bob: *popping in front of the camera* Uh... Dat's all. See yas all next week, guess... *The screen goes black.*  
  
  
Their destinies were foreordained.  
Miyuki Inakamono   



End file.
